The Pageless Book

Image Above Heavily Modified Image From Photo by Stefan Kloo. Anime Image by Exiliados del Olimpo. Cereal Photo by Pam Beesley. Bottom Image by Stefan Kloo.

Now, I haven’t actually paid much attention to the rise and fall of cults in the recent years, if only because they all seem to be variations on similar themes. You know the qualities all cults have - charismatic leader, mind control substances, strange ritual, aliens, secrets, and tentacles. All religions should have tentacles, but that’s besides the point; it’s the same thing rehashed over and over again.

Well, I am just sick of the lack of imagination these people have. Where do these cult leaders get off claiming to be God incarnate if they can’t even come up with something original! If you have to be completely off your rocker, at least be creative about it - makes for better headlines.

As a free service to you, my impressionable would-be cult leaders, I am going to provide you with some great *original* ideas for your very own small secretive religious society. Keep in mind that milage may vary depending on the social demographic you might be targeting; there are no kangaroos in Ireland and most Americans fail to understand British humor. Also remember that this is not meant to be a definitive list, but rather the seeds of inspiration.

Anime-Based Cults

I truly don’t understand why no one has thought of this before; the following of Japanese animation is so fanatical that they almost qualify as a cult even without a leader. Rituals usually involve school girls with improbable hair colors worshiping large mean-looking robots or being kidnaped by demons. The best mind control substances available for an Anime Based Cult is Japanese animation. If you hunt down the right type of Anime, tentacles come included!

Mascot-Based Cults

We have all heard of various snake or spider based cults. While these mascot-based cults have become all too common, I don’t think this means that a mascot is out of the question. There has never been a kangaroo based cult, a platypus based cult, or a giraffe based cult, to the best of my knowledge. If you have problems envisioning such a cult, do yourself a favor and watch Conan: The Barbarian; any time you see a snake, mentally replace it with a kangaroo. Still not convinced? Suggest the same thing to an Australian friend and watch them freak-out.

Breakfast Cereal Character Cults

Did you ever think that spiritual enlightenment might be as close as your pantry? With the likes of Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and Captain Crunch serving as saints, your following could grow exponentially in just a short period of time. Of course, your new found underlings would have to be home before dark, but this is a small price to pay. Again, mind control substances are built into this cult in the form of the repetitive mindless commercials and sugary breakfast cereals.

50’s, 60’s and 70’s Sitcom Cults

Some things just get better with age, like wine, cheese, and Barbara Eden in a skimpy genie costume. Why not create a cult centered around wisdom and doctrine as taught by Dick Van Dyke or utilize the moral workings of the Brady Bunch. Scripts could serve as your holy texts and actors could serve as your saints! Who wouldn’t want to bow before a statue of Lucille Ball? You may even be so bold as to focus on one or two 80’s sitcoms, but I advise you not to try to incorporate Seinfeld into your cult; one already exists and they are more fanatical than the Soup Nazi.

Kitch Cults

If you ever worn spandex biker shorts, a leopard print shirt/blouse, with leg-warmers, you may be interested in starting a kitch cult. Your bad taste in fashion, art, music, and decor need not be silent any longer! Hot pink faux leather flamingos wearing cheep sun-glasses serve as your angels. Above your altar is the image of The King on black velvet under a black light. You and your followers can meditate to the lyrical musings of Devo and They Might Be Giants, while pondering the significance of the life, death, and rebirth of tie-dye t-shirts. Yes, it is grand to be a member of a kitch cult! Your rituals would involve sacrifices of plaid golfing pants, pastel suits, and ridiculously large gold earrings. Bowling night would be sacrosanct, and limericks should be sung in honor of used car salesmen.

As I had noted above, these are just a few ideas. In no way should this list be considered complete, and you are encouraged to come up with your own inspiration for your new cult. Do you think your cult is the most unique? Well, then tell me about it! If I like the snake oil you’re selling, I might even join. But remember - and do take this seriously - to include tentacles in the design of your cult, lest you want to become ambrosia for the Great Old Ones when they finally awaken.

Whether it is a corner of your bedroom or a whole room in your home, setting aside an area for personal spiritual practice is one of the most nurturing things you can do for yourself. However, knowing where you should have your sacred space, how to furnish that space, and what to do while in that space is often a challenge. Seeing as there is no one way to set up a sacred space, it would be easy to assume that just about any space would work. Throw furnishing and tools into the space for meditation or worship, and the sacred space is complete and ready to use, right?

Wrong. A sacred space is an area in which you commune with the Divine. Haphazardly cobbling a space together does not make it sacred. Spending some time and giving some thought to what your space will contain, where your space will be located, and when your space will be used helps sanctify the area. Meditation and worship are acts of mindfulness - it makes sense that we are mindful of the space we set aside for those activities.

• Find a Space - The first step, while being the most obvious, is also the most crucial. You need to know that you will not be disturbed when you are in your sacred space and that you will be comfortable with you spiritual practice in that space. If you want to chant, you need to know either that no one else will hear you, or that no one will mind. There needs to be enough space available for your worship. If the area is part of a common area, you should also think of how this space will look when not in use.

• Find a Time - While not as obvious as the first step, it is important to consider the time of day in which you will worship. Evening worship may create lighting issues. Early morning worship may disturb the sleep of your family. Some times of day are going to afford you more privacy than others or you might find yourself more in the mood to make that spiritual connection during a particular day of the week. The exact time and duration could be over looked if you live alone in a single family home in the middle of nowhere, but few people have such luxury.

• Comfort & Furnishings - You will needs to consider your personal comfort while within this space, as well as storage for any items you set aside for your sacred space. For most people, this might consist of a small cabinet, a floor pillow to sit on, and perhaps a blanket in case you find yourself cold. Of course, if you have more space and are willing to go through the expense, you could always set up an elaborate altar, complete with statuettes of spiritual teachers and elaborate embroidered tapestry. Anything more than the bare essentials I would find distracting, but this is your space and you should make it for your comfort, not mine.

• Choosing Artwork - Although this isn’t a necessity, a little bit of artwork can go a long way to setting the tone for your sacred space. Again, this need not be anything elaborate or large; a simple painting or small inspirational photo is sufficient enough. You will want something soothing and neutral that expresses your particular spiritual understanding or world view. The main purpose is for it to serve as a reminder of the reason this space is set aside, and to put you in the mood for worship or meditation.

• Choosing Accessories - Finally, you will want to consider accessories for your space. These should be items that serve the singular purpose to which your space is dedicated and are stored in this space for that purpose. A few suggestions would be candles, incense, holy books, soothing music, or a note book for thoughts and reflection. If other items appeal to you, feel free to include them in your area. Personally, I would be inclined to include a deck of Tarot cards, but I know that doesn’t appeal to everybody. Incense gives my wife headaches, so I know in her sacred space she would forgo that particular element. I must again stress the importance of setting aside the items for use in worship or mediation only. Doing so creates a strong association with the sacred for that particular space, allowing you to separate this space from the rest of your every day life. With enough time, entering that space may become a psychological trigger that prepares your mind for mediation or worship, and you want to strengthen that trigger if possible.

With these considerations in mind, creating a sacred space for worship can become a rewarding experience. While there are no hard and fast rules, a little structure to your space can go a long way to creating the atmosphere, comfort level, and attitude needed for worship. The Divine, by what ever name you may call it, becomes more approachable and tangible in the right environment. Making an environment for just that purpose is a powerful way to make the Divine a regular part of your life.
Top Photo by Joi Ito. Middle Photo by The Wandering Angel. Bottom Photo by Kelly Cookson.