The Pageless Book

Twenty nine years ago today, I took my first breath of air and let the world know in grand fashion that I had arrived. Today, I am breaking the long-held silence of this website to speak again about spirituality. I suppose birthdays can be a rebirth of sorts, but for many people the day of their birth is a day like any other. Is that sad, or just practical? That might depend on the reasoning, yet I would argue that to be practical on such an occasion is still sad.

I have a ritual that goes along with my birthday each year. At first I go about in my cheesy awkward way soaking up the praise and acknowledgment from friends and family which feed my ego. If anyone had forgotten, I make sure to remind them and rub it in a bit. Even if they hadn’t forgotten, I might try to get away with more than I ordinarily do, using my birthday as an excuse. Somewhere during the day, I end up indulging in food and drink. Then, just when I thought I’ve squeezed enough enjoyment out of my day, I remember…

I remember that at one time, I didn’t exist. At some point in the future, I will cease to exist. I am not permanent. I am a compromise between matter and spirit which only exists for a finite period of time. And I ask myself all those questions I fear and dread to ask - those hard questions that I never seem to have a good answer for.

What have I accomplished? What merit does my life have? Do I exist merely for my own pleasure or am I living in service to others? Am I good? Actually, I’m much harder on myself with these questions than necessary. Yet it seems appropriate that after a day of ego laced gluttony, that I turn on myself and examine my worth.

Last year, this ritual had brought me to the realization that I need a purpose in life, and that purpose should include spirituality in a big way. This year? I’m asking myself if I have done enough towards that goal. I haven’t really supported my church as I should, or really integrated into the church. I still feel like a stranger there, yet I have no one but myself to blame.

Also, I sometimes doubt whether I am on the right path. Do I want this, or do I just think I want this? Like at any other time in my life, I’m being indecisive… I’ve always been indecisive. I’m tired of being indecisive.

Moving turned out to be more disruptive to my life than I original anticipated. I need to refocus and recenter. Part of that means rebirth. I need to think more about rebirth in a more proactive way; how does one find the inspiration to clean the slate of past failures and mistakes? I don’t know. Perhaps I have more introspection to do than I have had in the past.

In any case, I should stop blathering on about my thoughts about myself and get back to making this website the best it can be. I owe that to you, my readers, who’ve stuck by me even though I was MIA. Thank you and Namaste.

Image Above by Daniel Pedrosa.

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written by John

Undoubtedly, you’ve noticed the lack of activity here on The Pageless Book and my wife’s blog, Ripples of Improvement. Things have been a little too hectic for regular blog posts from either of us. We’re moving, Cathy is in training for her new job, and things are all together emotionally, physically, and intellectually chaotic right now. The fung-shui surrounding our lives are just off - no other way of explaining it. Hopefully, by June we’ll be settled in and ready to get back to blogging - a passion which both Cathy and I still share.

I’m currently working on my first sermon as a member of the lay-person worship committee at my Church. I’ll post it after I’ve delivered it, June 29th. Also in the works is a short story of a fictional meeting between myself and Jesus of Nazareth. Again, I hope to have that up sometime next month. Finally, I’ve found my long lost vault of poetry from high school and middle school… I was thinking that perhaps I would share a bit of it here. Perhaps you could gleam some insight into my personality from the angsty juvenile poetry I’ve recently unearthed. Perhaps not… it’s just an idea.

In any case, I’m getting back to work. I’ve taken today off from work to clean, pack, and do chores - I’ve taken long enough of a break. I’ll meet you all on the other side of this long radio silence. As always - Namaste.

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written by John

Well folks, unfortunately I will not be available to make regular updates this week. That’s right! I’m kicking back, putting my toes in the sand, and enjoying some time away from it all! The Pageless Book will return to it’s semi-regular schedule starting May 5th… that is if I’m not still drunk from drinking all those Long Island Iced Teas. Not to worry though - I have something to keep you occupied in the mean time. I have an assignment for my regular readers; read Count Your Sheep. It’s one of my favorite on-line comics. Count Your Sheep reminds me so much of Peanuts because it has such a consistent spiritual message in the same learning-how-to-be-human way. There are over five years worth of comics on this site, so give it a look see and tell me what you think.

Until then, Namaste.

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written by John

For those who haven’t seen it yet, I currently have a guest post up at The Positivity Blog! Seven Steps to Change the World is about what we as individuals can do to enact powerful change in our society. Go and give it a look-see…

Namaste.

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written by John

Above Photo by Starbeard. Below Photo by Mamjodh. Final Photo by Virginie.

Today, I have planned a grand experiment! I’m going to start my first blogging meme. Sure, I’ve participated in blogging memes before, but never have I tried to be the cause of one. The theme of this meme? Choose ten people whom you would confer Sainthood on and what that person would be the patron saint of. As with all memes, you can be as serious or as humorous as you please. I personally plan to do a little of both. Here are my list of ten, in no particular order…

Eliphas Levi, Patron Saint of Occultism
If you are going to discuss the history of occultism in any serious manner, this man’s name is bound to come up. While he is not the first occultist, his contributions to occultism are numerous and historical. It was Levi who first married Qabalah, Gnosticism, Hermeticism, Rosicrucianism, and Alchemy into the single system of symbolism on which the Golden Dawn would later base their teachings.

Thomas Jefferson, Patron Saint of Democracy
Much of the thanks that people of all democratic nations is owed to this man, who played a pivotal role in crafting Democracy as we know it today. Although many of his views, such as the separation of Church and State, remain controversial, the character of the American political system exhibits the unmistakable mark of his genius.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, Patron Saint Spirituality

The words of this famous Unitarian minster still inspire his readers to look deep within themselves for spiritual sustenance. His writings are so influential that they are still read, quoted, and debated by Unitarian Universalists today. If I were to choose one person I wished to emulate as a minster, he would be my choice.

H.P. Lovecraft, Patron Saint of Horror
Everything is better with tentacles. Ancient sleeping demon threatening to enslave humanity? Needs tentacles. Bazaar extra dimensional aliens bent on world domination? Still needs tentacles. Angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream? Tentacles; lots and lots of tentacles. And for this, we can thank the author H.P. Lovecraft.

Mahatma Gandhi, Patron Saint of Peace
Another man who I wish to emulate, Mahatma Gandhi changed the nature of protest and social change. The idea of non-violent protest was is so revolutionary, that it is hard to measure the impact that this man has had on our history. Would Dr. Martin Luther King have ended segregation without Gandhi as an inspiration? I’m not so sure. Would religious intolerance be a larger issue without his teachings? Of that, I am sure.

Albert Einstein, Patron Saint of Reason
For a young man who was bad at algebra, Albert Einstein more than over came this obstacle, becoming the most famous scientist in history. It is important, however, to realize that his fame was not just due to what he did within the confines of the scientific world, but also what he said and wrote during is life time. Einstein is one of my favorite people to quote when it comes to spirituality and religion, not because he was a rational theist, but because his words cut to the truth of any subject on which he cared to comment.

Timothy Leary, Patron Saint of Radical Change
Yet another giant of forward thinking, Leary is often dismissed due to his advocacy psychedelic drug use and radical ideas. I cannot, however, imagine my list of saints without him. His catch phrase, “Think For Yourself & Question Authority” is my personal mantra. For me, this man embodies the potential for radical social change.

Shel Sliverstein, Patron Saint of Humor
When I was seven, I received my first pair of glasses. Along with my glasses, I was given a copy of “Where The Sidewalk Ends.” I still have that book. It has played a large part in the development of my sense of humor, writing style, and common sense that I couldn’t imagine my life without it. Such a small thing can sometimes be the root of large changes.

Kurt Cobain, Patron Saint of Teenage Rebellion
What can I say? I’m a proud member of Generation X. Kurt Cobain embodied so much of what it means to me to be a teenager; the anger, anxiety, and angst. While many would say that his effect on American Culture is greatly exaggerated, I tend to disagree; the changes that his music have made are still being felt today.

Gary Gygax, Patron Saint of Games
Dungeons & Dragons have very much been on my mind since Gary Gygax’s death earlier this month. As I have said before about the game, I don’t know who I would be without D&D in my life. As such, if I had my choice for the Patron Saint of Games, Mr. Gygax would be it.

And now I’m going to tag Julian, Chalicechick, Dianne Sylvan, Bill Cecchini, Ms. Kitty, Tobeme, Hafidha Sofia, My Wife, Evan, Ms. Theologian, Elizabeth, and Shelby. I figure if half the people on this list choose to participate in this meme, it will be well on its way to becoming popular. Please tag three others at the end of your post. Keep it going strong!

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written by John \\ tags: History, Humanity, Humor, Inspiration, Meme, Occult, Reason, Religion, Spirituality

I tried writing Sunday… no dice. I took off from work Monday… still no dice. And here it is, Wednesday, and I still can’t bring myself to write a decent article for my website! I feel so frustrated right now that I can’t stand it.

I know that there are subjects that I could write about - I have a whole list of them. I even have two half finished articles; one on war and the other on simple spiritual things. Yet I can’t bring myself to finish those articles or even start new articles. Why can’t I seem to put pen to paper and just WRITE! ARGH!

Part of the problem is that these past few weeks have been boring. I need to get out and do something different with myself. I need newness and revitalization. I need contact with something or someone to make me think. Finding inspiration is like planning to be spontaneous… it just doesn’t work. I don’t know what I need to get out of this funk, but hopefully I can work my way through this. *Le Sigh*

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written by John

Ladies and Gentleman,

As you can see, as plan as the nose on your face, I really don’t have an article for today. This is because I’ve spent all of my time on a guest post for another blog. :-/ Just so you have something interesting to look at, I’m laying bare my own placement in Dante’s Inferno.

Namaste to you all.

The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test

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written by John

Above Photo by Jack Dorsey. Photo Below by Miguel B.

There is a lot to be said in regards to the power and meaning behind one person’s name. When we utter the names of great men and women, we evoke something of what they stood for. These names can be as ancient as Alexander the Great or as modern as Benazir Bhutto and stir a range of intense emotions, negative and positive. In myths and fairytales, names have a supernatural effect on reality whether it is breaking a curse by guessing the name of a devilish imp, or defending the king’s name to restore his kingdom. In tribal cultures, naming calls for an elaborate ceremony in which the person to be named undergoes various trials and tests to prove readiness for adulthood. It is little wonder actors, actresses, musicians, and other entertainers choose to change their names or take stage names; they want to be hard to forget.

Alternatively, there are those who wish to forget. I haven’t seen or talked to my blood father since I was five or six, and wouldn’t recognized him if I passed him by on the street. After long and hard thought, I decided that I no longer wanted to carry his name. There was too much pain and weakness in his name for me. The name I chose to have instead needed to represent all my strengths and uniqueness; I wanted to be the first in a new family line. So when I did finally settle on a name, I made sure that it wasn’t a name that I would have to share with anyone else. I doubt I am alone in changing my name to distance myself from blood relatives, as there are a lot of broken families in this world.

Perhaps rooted in the superstitions regarding names and naming, there is an important truth concerning human nature. I can’t quite discern what truth that would be, though. What I do know is that even if I’m not the person being called, I can’t help but react to the sound of my name on an emotional level. My name seems to be apart of me, integral to my personality, beliefs, and thoughts.

Currently, I write under the pseudonym, John Pageless. I am becoming more dissatisfied with writing under this pseudonym. While I fear the consequences of blogging under my real name, I am also ashamed that I have been hiding behind this pseudonym. Here is the painful truth about blogging - everyone can read what you write. Employers and future employers, aunts, uncles and grandparents, brothers, sisters, friends and complete strangers - everyone can read this blog.

I chose to write under this pseudonym to protect myself from the harsh judgement of the off-line world. But is it worth my integrity? What I say here means a great deal to me. When I talk about religious tolerance and spiritual growth, I hope you understand that these are not just hollow words - I put my whole self out on this blog. Except my name, that is…

Well, I think what I say here is worthy of my name, so I don’t feel I should hide it any longer. My real name is John Michael Crovis. For those playing the home game, you are correct in guessing that my wife is Cathy Crovis of Ripples of Improvement. We both started blogging about the same time, although Cathy began her blog using her real name, where as I wasn’t so sure that was a wise idea. I am not sure what to expect now that I’m officially blogging under my real name, but my hope is that little, if anything, will change.

We shall see…

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written by John \\ tags: Blogging, Family, Individuality, Name

Photo by Andrew Kuchling.

On Wednesday, The Pageless Book had its one hundredth entry. If you deduct the two guest articles I have had, today’s entry would be the one hundredth. Regardless of how you choose to look at it, the blog has reached a milestone. It is is time to take a good look around and ask myself if this blog is progressing as it should.

Do I have the readership I have hoped for? Is the writing quality consistent? Can I say that this blog is efficiently organized? Am I happy with this blog over all? Almost every question I can think of, I would have to answer negatively. I see a lot of room for improvement, both in my own performance and in the quality of my blog.

However, there is also a lot of which I am proud. I love writing and being apart of this community. After six months of blogging, I still enjoy doing this. I’m hoping to expand on this blog and continue to grow. I’m not going to be giving up on The Pageless Book any time soon, despite what my recent actions might indicate.

Over the next few weeks, I will be making several improvements to The Pageless Book, the first of which is to make sure that new material is available Monday through Friday every week. You can also look forward to the continuation of the Friday Vibes and Site In Focus series. I’ve realized the value that they add to this blog, and need to re-institute them. I also need to go through my older entries, rewrite and resubmit them on the weekends. Finally, this site needs to be reorganized so that each post fits into one or two categories, rather than the four or five categories that each post currently falls into.

My hope is that these changes will invigorate this website and bring in new readers. Whether I am successful or not depends entirely on me and my ability to be consistent. I hope to deliver on the promise that this blog represents.

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written by John \\ tags: Blogging, Growth, Information, Readers

Today, I’m going out to vote on the primaries. I encourage everyone to do the same… and if you have time, vote for me in the UUBlog Awards, too!

Thank You & Namaste

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written by John