
My lovely wife is currently writing a series of blog entries on the self improvement elements of the movie Labyrinth, which you can read by clicking on the link above. While researching for this particular project, Cathy came across another interesting post about the religious elements of the movie Labyrinth. Right up my alley, yes? Not really. Emily, the author of this piece, has tried to claim that Labyrinth is a Christian morality play. I can relate to the idea that the movie can be symbolic of a spiritual journey, but Emily tries forcing metaphors where they simply do not belong.
How so? Well, lets start with our protagonist, Sarah - Emily claims that Sarah is with child and is projecting her emotional confusion over what to do with her unborn child onto her little brother. It is made pretty obvious by the, er, uh… what proof of this exists in the movie? Are we so sure that it is not Ms. Emily who is projecting?
It gets worse, though. She claims that Hoggle is a personification of Jesus Christ. Hoggle, the coward - Hoggle, the gruff loner - Hoggle, the reluctant traitor, is Jesus Christ? If Hoggle is anything, he is the voice of Sarah’s own doubts and fears, playing a foil to her outward optimism and naivete.
When we first see Hoggle, he is just outside the gates of the labyrinth killing fairies with a pesticide. According to Emily, we are suppose to infer that these fairies are instead the embodiment of the homosexual culture, which Hoggle… er, um, I mean Jesus, is seeking to eradicate. Could it simply be that they serve as a lesson for Sarah that not all things are as they seem? Nah! That apparently isn’t Christian enough, so Emily projects her homophobia into this children’s movie.
And the article continues from there, drawing the conclusion that the talking door guards are symbolic of true and false religion, the cleaners symbolic of cults, and the wise man is symbolic of Eastern Religions. In an apparent fit of racism, she calls the fire gang “blacksploitation jive turkeys,” claims that The Bog of Eternal Stench is symbolic of an abortion clinic, and claims Sir Didymus is symbolic of the fallacies of science. At this point, it behooves me to ask whether this particular article is a parody or serious. I’m not entirely sure, to be honest.
“The Christian Themes of Labyrinth” does one thing right, however unintentionally. It shows how easy it is to ignore obvious explanations in favor of rationalizing the interpretation we expect to be true. We each see what it is that we want to see. Unless we make the truth that which we most desire, we will only see the contrived metaphors of our imagination. If I may suggest, perhaps the lesson we are supposed to learn from Labyrinth is the importance of balancing the imagination of childhood against the required clarity and purpose of adulthood in order to seek truth over fantasy. Then again, it now might be me who is projecting.
written by John \\ tags: Christian, Metaphors, Morality, Movies, Religion








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BOOM-woah
But this doesn’t have to be just about the medical practices of echinoids! Everyone has BLAH-meh experiences, whether it be on Monday morning or on their Wedding night (woe to he who admits that to his wife). If you have too many BLAH-meh moments, however, you become a schmuck and suck the life out of everyone else around you. You’ll be like “BLAH,” and everyone else will emit a hoarse “meh,” and you’ll morph into a wrinkle of Jewish foreskin. I swear to God, I’ve seen it happen! Just take a good long look at Rush Limbaugh, and tell me you don’t see wrinkled Jewish foreskin.
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I truly don’t understand why no one has thought of this before; the following of Japanese animation is so fanatical that they almost qualify as a cult even without a leader. Rituals usually involve school girls with improbable hair colors worshiping large mean-looking robots or being kidnaped by demons. The best mind control substances available for an Anime Based Cult is Japanese animation. If you hunt down the right type of Anime, tentacles come included!
Did you ever think that spiritual enlightenment might be as close as your pantry? With the likes of Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and Captain Crunch serving as saints, your following could grow exponentially in just a short period of time. Of course, your new found underlings would have to be home before dark, but this is a small price to pay. Again, mind control substances are built into this cult in the form of the repetitive mindless commercials and sugary breakfast cereals.
If you ever worn spandex biker shorts, a leopard print shirt/blouse, with leg-warmers, you may be interested in starting a kitch cult. Your bad taste in fashion, art, music, and decor need not be silent any longer! Hot pink faux leather flamingos wearing cheep sun-glasses serve as your angels. Above your altar is the image of The King on black velvet under a black light. You and your followers can meditate to the lyrical musings of Devo and They Might Be Giants, while pondering the significance of the life, death, and rebirth of tie-dye t-shirts. Yes, it is grand to be a member of a kitch cult! Your rituals would involve sacrifices of plaid golfing pants, pastel suits, and ridiculously large gold earrings. Bowling night would be sacrosanct, and limericks should be sung in honor of used car salesmen.
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uine. Of course, this isn’t something that should be done every Sunday, but for that one special Sunday your church could be filled with cleansing laughter. This tip was provided by
running gags, but rather are stories that end in an absurd moment. Stories can always be used to demonstrate a message in a sermon, so why not use comedic quotes in your service? The work is done for you, all that you need to do is frame the story with a moral or lesson.
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Finally, there is the astonishing coincidence that all three religious parody religions existed at the time this article was written, which of course is the hallmark of any true religion. Any other religious parody religions are false, heretical, and probably not as funny as the before mentioned three.
of slack. Currently headed up by it’s founder, Rev. Ivan Stang, the Church is seems to be lampoon of fundamentalist Christianity and Scientology drowned in copious amounts of 1950’s kitch. Don’t let the appearances fool you - The Church of the SubGenius is a genuine religion, complete with extensive tithing, alien space ships, and a mail order ministry ordination. Get your slack while it’s still hot.
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