Nobody wants to discuss afterlife beliefs at a funeral. Nobody wants to hear about reincarnation from Aunt Agnes or wants to hear that Uncle Theodore thinks heaven is a childish fantasy, and nobody wants to hear the laundry list of sins that Father Cox believes will damn a person’s soul to hell. Despite the relevance of the topic, nobody wants to have that discussion when there is a dead body in the room; it hits just a little too close to home.
Being the heathen of the family, this past Friday I found myself biting my tongue whenever someone assured me that my dad was in heaven, walking streets literally paved with gold. I know that’s what dad believed in, and I know that’s what mom believes in, but I just don’t put a lot of stock in the whole heaven-hell thing myself. My father regretted a great deal of what he had done in life, once having told my mother that he didn’t think he would make it to heaven. However, he had done quite a bit of good in his life, and was genuinely remorseful for that he had not done well. I can’t imagine a God worthy of worship sending a man like my father to hell; he wasn’t a saint by any stretch of the imagination, but he doesn’t deserve hell.
In my opinion, heaven and hell are not literal places, but are instead states of spiritual health, each representing one extreme. Heaven is being spiritually whole and balanced. Hell is being spiritually fractured and conflicted. Most people are a little bit of both. It takes monumental work to bring oneself into complete spiritual wholeness and balance. Morality and integrity plays a large role in this task – it is the work bench on which a soul can be mended – but it is only the beginning of the process.
When trying to understand what happens on a spiritual level, I always look to how things work on a material level. Dead trees will decompose into the earth, providing nutrients to the surrounding vegetation. Massive stars that go supernova release materials that are eventually converted into new smaller stars and the planets that orbit those stars. I have come to the conclusion that it is likely that the soul of a deceased individual goes through a similar process; the soul slowly decomposes or otherwise returns to its source, eventually giving rise to the new souls that people our world.
I was very tempted during the funeral to speak out and explain what I actually believed. That would have been a mistake; a funeral is no place to challenge people’s beliefs – the emotions are still quite raw. And to be honest, it really doesn’t matter what happens after death; we will all know for ourselves soon enough, so there is no reason to worry ourselves over it. Fear of death only serves to make life unlivable. What matters is how we choose to live despite the threat of death.
Besides, I’m sure Hunter S. Thompson is working on an exposé. His publisher is waiting with Oujia board in hand for the transcript. I’m sure that we’ll all be very disappointed to learn that it’s nothing more than a pyramid scheme perpetrated by the funeral industry. Dad would have waited for the movie.
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“Fear of death only serves to make life unlivable. What
matters is how we choose to live despite the threat of death.”
My father was a Spiritualist, although he always retained a healthy scepticism. In fact it was this which drew him to Spiritualism, since the phenomina experienced and the events described or predicted could at least be examined with some objectivity. I attended meetings and “circles” with him as a child.
Since his death, more than 40 years ago, I have drawn back from involvement in Spiritualism, not so much because I didn’t believe that spiritual entities might be involved, but because I couldn’t be sure of their source.
So my position is now exactly as you express it in this post. If anything happens next, and I believe that it does, it must be non-physical in a way which we, as physical beings can never properly understand. But as far as we know, all that remains to run our next manner of being is energy/thought. As such, it may be very important that we pass from here without preconceptions. If we truly are to “know even as we are known”, hell might be coming face to face with who we really are. For me, the “fear” is banished by a sense of being, however improbably, unconditionally loved.
But, as you say, this is hardly a discussion to be had at a family funeral.
Thanks for the post.
Well said. Where can I find more like minded people?
Hello Reg,
Thank you for your comment. It spurred me to take a closer look at your blog… There’s some very interesting stuff on there! In regards to living in spite of the threat of death, your comment reminded me that some new-age thinkers equate love with the act of living. I know that might sound like just flowery language, but I think there some excellent meditation to be done on the relationship between life and love as opposed to death and hate.
Hello SLY,
I’m proud to say that I’m a unique individual – one of a kind – like everyone else.
Seriously, though, finding like-minded people is one of the many reasons why I’m writing this blog… I refuse to believe that I am the only one who thinks this way. If enough of us make noise, maybe we can bring the rest of humanity over to our way of thinking! Like everyone else is trying to do! 
Namaste to you both.