Above Image by Sourabh Rath. Explosion Photo by Ed Schipul. Stop Sign Photo by Peter Kaminski.
There are two types of cosmic events in every life; BOOM-woah moments and BLAH-meh moments. It is the interplay of these two moments that determine the quality of your life. The more time you spend in BOOM-woah moments, the higher the likelihood of success and happiness. Conversely, if you spend the majority of your time in BLAH-meh moments, you are more likely to be a boring and depressing schmuck. As such, to ensure that you live your life to the fullest, it only makes sense to maximize BOOM-woah and minimize BLAH-meh.
Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Well then, there isn’t much more for us to discuss, is there? That is unless you have no bloody idea as to the meaning of BOOM-woah or BLAH-meh, in which case you probably look as puzzled as an alien abduction victim that just walked in on an episode of Good Times. Don’t fret - I intend on making this as clear as mud for you.
BOOM-woah
The first half of our dysfunctional metaphor, BOOM-woah, refers to sudden moments of intense wonder. These moments can be observed through the manifestation of certain behaviors, such as crying while laughing, serene peaceful smiles, or shouting “YIPPEE!” in a crowded public restroom… just after the lights went out. It feels really good, but this is a sudden good, so it’s like “BOOM” and all you can say is “woah” like a Keanu Reeves bobble-head. When someone talks about finding Christ, Nirvana, or Jimmy Hoffa, this is what their talking about.
But this doesn’t have to be just about religion! You don’t need to believe in a great bearded man in the sky to have BOOM-woah moments. Carl Sagan, an astronomer and modern philosopher, didn’t believe in a God, yet had BOOM-woah moments all the time. He was just in awe of the beauty and immensity of the vast stretches of emptiness we call late night television, er, I mean space. Those moments when it struck him like a gong that we are just little bits of improbable dust in such very large place are valid BOOM-woah moments.
BLAH-meh
On the other hand, BLAH-meh refers to ongoing moments of intense boredom and indifference. It is like when a cold brussel sprout falls into your salmon flavored gelatin - this is serious apathy. Again, BLAH-meh moments can be observed through the behavior of those experiencing BLAH-meh moments, or rather through their lack of behavior. Whether it be the forlorn sigh, the downwards stare, or the curious abundance of “Office Space” paraphernalia in a temp’s cubical, it can be fairly easy to spot someone who is experiencing a BLAH-meh moment. When someone grumbles about Monday, the lousy local sports team, or their last colonoscopy performed by sea urchin, you can be relatively sure that they are having a BLAH-meh moment.
But this doesn’t have to be just about the medical practices of echinoids! Everyone has BLAH-meh experiences, whether it be on Monday morning or on their Wedding night (woe to he who admits that to his wife). If you have too many BLAH-meh moments, however, you become a schmuck and suck the life out of everyone else around you. You’ll be like “BLAH,” and everyone else will emit a hoarse “meh,” and you’ll morph into a wrinkle of Jewish foreskin. I swear to God, I’ve seen it happen! Just take a good long look at Rush Limbaugh, and tell me you don’t see wrinkled Jewish foreskin.
BLAH-woah & BOOM-meh
These lesser known events, while not as cosmic or universal as BOOM-woah or BLAH-meh, are worth mentioning. BLAH-woah occurs in instances when you are truly amazed at how bland and worthless a moment turned out to be. It is more of a philosophical BLAH-meh. While many attribute the writings of Friedrich Nietzsche to his constant illness and struggle to find meaning in his life, I prefer to look at his observations as a series of BLAH-woah moments. They make more sense that way. Conversely, BOOM-meh is the sudden onset of indifference. It is like going to the theater to watch an Academy Award winning movie only to discover that they are only showing “Ishtar” instead.
Now that you understand what BOOM-woah and BLAH-meh are about, you can apply it to your own life, knowing that these two attend as beacons guiding your ship away from shallow waters, and straight towards the light house. May the wisdom of BOOM-woah and BLAH-meh serve you well.
