Just before this Christmas Holiday, Cathy Crovis from RipplesofImprovement.com tagged me for this rather morbid task of writing my own eulogy. I am supposed to write it to reflect the goals and dreams I have for the future. The purpose of this endeavor is to give focus to what I want to accomplish in my lifetime. Instead of using this opportunity to poke fun at myself and the task at hand, I thought it would be a nice change of pace to actually take this seriously. Well, not too seriously; after all, there is a point at which this could become depressing rather than enlightening. So, with no further explanation needed, and far too much given already, I present to you…
The Eulogy of John Michael Pageless
Photo by Maciej Lewandowski
Reverend John Michael Pageless lived a full life of joy, love, and worthy accomplishments in the field of religious tolerance and spiritual exploration. John Pageless, the son of Albert and Marie Pageless, began life in a lower-middle class family in the Baltimore County suburbs of Maryland. Although he and his family did struggle through economic hardships during his childhood, he still learned from the experience of his mother’s candor and open-minded views, as well as his father’s sensibilities and sense of humor. These traits would later become the hallmarks of a great man.
John Pageless was baptized Catholic, raised Lutheran and later non-denominational Christian, but was constantly infatuated with all the religions of the world. When he had become a teenager, he delved deeply into non-Christian religions, such as Buddhism and Qabalah, from which he would develop his views on God and religion now popularly known as Omnitheism.
In the fall of 2006, he married his best friend’s sister, Mrs. Pageless, with whom he would spend the rest of his life. He would later attribute his successes in life to Mrs. Pageless during her Eulogy, given only three years ago. He said, “Behind every good man, there is a great woman. It may be clique, but it wouldn’t have become a clique if it was not true. I am an example of such. One can hardly argue that we are both very successful in our later years together, but I would have to insist that her success was far greater than mine, as she was solely responsible for all of her own accomplishments, and a good portion of those attributed to myself. I would have never made it through seminary without her by my side…”
As a Minister of the Unitarian Universalist church, he became a staunch proponent of liberal religion and religious tolerance. With his inspiration, the Unitarian Universalist Association, in conjunction with other liberal churches and multi-faith organizations, challenged and defeated the political attacks on religious freedoms made by fundamentalists in the early part of the twenty first century. He also became known as America’s Minister, having written numerous best selling books on the subject of liberal religion, and was council for every president since Chelsea Clinton took office in 2017.
With his influence, John Pageless ensured equality for people of all peaceful religions - including the non-religious. He also reconfirmed the separation of church and state, and set up the United Nation’s World Religion Congress to promote interfaith dialogue on an international level. Yet despite his importance to the world at large, he never failed to place his duties as a husband and father ahead of his professional calling. He is survived by his son, David Alexander Pageless, and his daughter, Alexandra Diane Pageless, both of who have inherited their parents’ dedication to making the world a better place.
Rev. John Pageless had once said that he believed we each end so that someone else may begin. So as we reflect on the life of this man and mourn his passing, let us remember that his absence is a challenge to each of us to begin the journey to do great things. He invites us all to change the world as he did.
One thing this eulogy didn’t mention is how I would die. I want to have the privilege to reenact an ancient Sumarian ritual, recently found in the texts of the unearthed “Necronomicon.” After repeatedly assuring the audience that this ritual poses no danger, I would start the ritual that would result in the summoning of Cthulhu. This ancient demon-priest would then swallow me whole, leaving only my left foot for burial. My last words would be “I could be wrong.”
So that I am not the wet-blanket who ends this string of premature post-humorous remarks, I’m tagging Rev. Dan Harper of Yet Another Unitarian Universalist to write his own eulogy. I look forward to seeing what he writes and hope it involves another Mythos deity; after all, the world needs more H.P. Lovecraft references.
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